Trans 101: Part 10

Part 10 of 11: The Role of Community in Supporting Trans & Non-Binary Kids & Their Families:

(Links to Parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9)

CW: mention of suicide

In Part 8, I talked about the importance of accurate information and access to gender-affirming care; I also mentioned this statistic: “LGBTQ youth who live in a community that is accepting of LGBTQ people reported much lower rates of attempting suicide than those who do not.”

Our actions as community members are incredibly important, and there’s a LOT that we as community members can do to support trans kids and their families. 

This document outlines several fantastic ideas on how to be a good ally, but I’d like to just briefly mention 4 things in particular:

1. Take personal responsibility to educate yourself and model respect for, understanding of, and affirmation of inclusion and diversity in our community. In a city of our size, statistically there would be about 60 trans/non-binary people living here, so truly the very least that all of us can do is to learn about and choose to unconditionally accept those who are trans/non-binary in our community. 

2. Please educate your children & grandchildren and practice & model unconditional love and acceptance of them, their friends, and everyone who may not be exactly like you. Everyone is worthy of acceptance, love, and support for who they are instead of who we expect or want them to be.

Let’s remember that you CANNOT indoctrinate someone who is cisgender into being trans, just as you cannot indoctrinate someone who is transgender into being cis. However, you CAN indoctrinate someone into irrationally fearing and hating people for being trans, just as you can inspire acceptance and inclusion in recognising that we are all different, which is a natural part of human diversity, and help create a kinder society. 

We all have a role in inspiring acceptance and inclusion and creating this kinder community, and each of us needs to do our part.

3. Reflect on the “golden rule”: treat others the way you would want to be treated. Take some time to reflect on various medical decisions you’ve made for yourself and/or your kids: 

~ How would it feel to have strangers protesting your decision to have your kid’s tonsils removed? 

~ Would you enjoy having religious politicians decide that wearing a padded bra or taking Viagra or wearing make-up or dyeing your hair is “against nature” and therefore create policies to make these gender-affirming activities illegal or very difficult to access? 

~ Does it feel good when your lived experiences (ex: of back pain or menopause or the challenges of being a parent, etc) are dismissed or diminished or treated as invalid because someone else hasn’t experienced the exact same thing in the exact same way?

These examples aren’t perfect, but hopefully they highlight the main idea: all of us require autonomy over our own bodies and medical decisions, and all of us are worthy of empathy and acceptance, regardless of whether someone else understands or relates to our experience.

4. Hold public leaders accountable. This is SO important! People who hold public office have made a commitment to serve the public. This means taking care of, and working in the best interest of ALL of their constituents, whether they “agree” with them or not. 

In our very religious, conservative area, however, many public leaders prefer to cater to their Evangelical, wealthy, healthy, white, cisgender, heterosexual constituents, and leave their marginalized constituents behind. 

My (potentially) controversial take is that it’s both immoral and unethical to be in public office receiving payment while refusing to follow through on your actual job description. School trustees, MLAs, and MPs must look out for the well-being of everyone in their area, and they must be guided by recognized authorities and governing bodies for the various issues their constituents face. If the job description doesn’t align with their religious values, then acting with integrity would mean they wouldn’t apply for the job in the first place.

To hold our public leaders accountable to the jobs that they have agreed to do, I’d suggest the following:

~ Contact the Hanover school board members and ask them what specific actions they have taken to fulfill each of the responsibilities of School Boards to support trans students (I’ll list them below) as outlined by Manitoba Education and Training:

1. Take personal responsibility to educate themselves, and model respect for, understanding of, and affirmation of inclusion and diversity in the decision and policy-making environments. 

2. Ensure that divisional policies, guidelines, and practices are inclusive of all students and respond equitably to the needs of trans and gender diverse students and their families. 

3. Involve parents/guardians [of trans students] in the development of safe and caring school policies. 

4. Ensure that all students have equitable access to an appropriate education, facilities, services, and resources. 

5. Provide professional learning opportunities for divisional and school staff on creating safe learning environments for trans and gender diverse students and their families. 

6. Promote and celebrate trans and gender diverse communities. 

~ Contact your local MLA and MP, and ask them what specific actions they are taking to support trans kids, teens, and adults, and how they are advocating for the trans community. 

1. This is a legitimate question for your MLA, because the ethical code of conduct for MLAs is that they “shall conduct themselves in a manner that respects the rights and legitimate democratic interests of all citizens, voters, political parties and Members, including Members of other political parties…” 

2. Unfortunately, there isn’t an ethical code of conduct that MPs need to follow (seriously!?!?!), but under “responsibilities and conduct of its members”, it says that “the member of parliament represents [their] constituency through service in the House of Commons… The job is people-oriented, involving talking about and listening to ideas, proposals, and complaints, reconciling opposing viewpoints, explaining party or government policy to citizens and citizens’ views to party and government, getting action out of the government on problems of constituents, and examining how the government uses or abuses the power it exercises on behalf of the people of Canada”. 

Again, I can’t stress enough how vitally important it is for all of us to create an environment of love and acceptance in our community for all people, but especially for the 2SLGBTQIA+ folks who live here. Creating this environment, though, will require action on our part, both on a personal level (through our own continued learning) and on an interpersonal level (educating others, modelling acceptance, and holding our leaders accountable).

At this juncture, I’d suggest that quiet support is not enough; we need to find the courage to be visible, vocal advocates. I know your good hearts, my friends, and I trust that you will be able to stretch into this kind of head and heart-space.

All righty then… one last post coming up in a few days, where we’ll look at a few Theological thoughts and implications. I’m actually a bit nervous about the next one, so we’ll see how it goes…

~ K.